


Where It All Goes

by cryinghannie



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Dump spot, M/M, unfinished wips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:13:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22182355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryinghannie/pseuds/cryinghannie
Summary: A dump spot for random Seventeen works I've started and thrown away. Mostly vent fics probably. I really don't know to be honest. Trigger warnings probably. Just be careful
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Kudos: 16





	1. Careful

Don't get your underwear in a knot over these. They're unfinished. They're dark. They're sensitive in nature. They're FICTION. Pure FICTION. Please note that it is all FICTION.


	2. Foggy Lake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW blood

Jeonghan stared out at the water, his arms crossed over his chest tightly and holding a mug of tea in one hand. They hadn’t seen the sun for over two weeks and Jeonghan was worried that they would have to go back into town tomorrow to buy some food. As he watched Mingyu and Jun down by the waters edge, Chan came down the creaky wooden stairs and Jeonghan whipped his head around. 

“Good morning,” Jeonghan said, giving him a trembling smile. “Seungcheol is waiting for you out in the shed once you’ve eaten and gotten ready for the day.”

“What time is it?” Chan asked, looking out at the dusky sky. 

“Oh? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter, does it?” 

Chan shrugged. “I guess not. Oh, and Minghao’s been in the tub for hours now. Just to let you know. I don’t know if it’s worth worrying about or not.”

Jeonghan put his tea down and turned away from the window, giving Chan’s head a stroke and making his way up the stairs. He could hear Wonwoo snoring and the mounted moose head peered down at Jeonghan from the slanted ceiling as he reached the second floor landing. On the landing sofas was Vernon and Seokmin. Seokmin was awake and sitting up, blearily scratching at the wooden coffee table. 

“Seungkwan’s been in the tub for hours now. Just to let you know. I don’t know if it’s worth worrying about or not,” Seokmin said, looking up at Jeonghan. 

Jeonghan smiled at him. “I’ll go check on him. You go get something to eat and see Seungcheol in the shed when you’re ready, alright?”

Seokmin nodded and went back to scratching the table. 

Jeonghan moved to the bathroom and pushed open the door. The bathtub was full of water to the edge, but it was empty. 

He found Minghao asleep in his and Seungcheol’s bed, one hand clenched around a bloody towel. Jeonghan ghosted across the creaky old floorboards towards him and pried the towel from his grasp. His arms were smeared with bright blood. But not his own blood. Jeonghan wasn’t sure whose blood it was.

“Minghao, it’s time to wake up,” Jeonghan said softly. 


	3. Eternal Noir

Smells and sounds swirled around, overwhelming Jeonghan’s senses. He could feel the floor vibrating from the bass of music. His knees weren’t sturdy against the vibrations and threatened to collapse any minute. People bumped into him, sweaty skin sticking to him and making his arm hairs raise. There was someone rubbing against his crotch. 

“Seungcheol? Seokmin?” Jeonghan said, whipping his head around. Somebody screamed drunkenly near his ear. He pushed through the people, holding his arms out in front of him and stumbling. He felt liquid slosh over his chest and a guy swore at him. Jeonghan continued forcing his way through the crowd, calling for Seungcheol or Seokmin or Mingyu. 

Jeonghan jolted against someone’s foot and crashed against the floor. It smelled horrible. A mixture of wet shoes, dirty socks, spilled alcohol and coochie. His breathing began to pick up with panic. Somebody stepped on his fingers and Jeonghan cried out, cradling his hand. He squeezed his eyes shut, the sudden onset of panic and anxiety shaking his body and pulsing his chest. 

And then he was grabbed under the arms and hauled to his feet. 

“Move, please move,” Seungcheol’s voice said as he dragged Jeonghan through the intoxicated and drugged people. 

Jeonghan gasped, trying to find his footing and keep up with Seungcheol. “I can’t breathe,” he coughed, hands searching blindly for Seungcheol. 

Something loud crashed right in front of Jeonghan and then suddenly cool air hit him. The door closed with a click behind them, only slightly muffling the music from inside the club. 

“Sit down, sit down on the curb right here,” Seungcheol coaxed, helping Jeonghan down gently. 

Jeonghan brushed his shaking hands over his body, running over his bent legs and reaching the rough pavement beneath him. He gripped the edge of the curb, scratching his nails against the concrete. His breath burst from him in short gasps and his head spun.

“Your hand,” Seungcheol commented, grabbing Jeonghan’s hand carefully. Jeonghan felt Seungcheol rub his hand up his forearm and gingerly holding his quivering hand. 

“Where are Mingyu and Seokmin?” Jeonghan asked, trying to calm himself down.

“Seokmin’s right here. Mingyu must still be inside, I haven’t seen him in a while,” Seungcheol answered. “We shouldn’t have brought you with us. This was a bad idea.” 

Jeonghan covered his face with his other hand. “I’m sorry. I ruined a fun night for you three. I just… I wanted to go back to my old self. I wanted to be me again.” 

A figure sat down on the other side of Jeonghan, bumping him slightly and a waft of his scent hit Jeonghan’s nose. Seokmin. 

“You didn’t ruin anything for us,” he assured softly. “And you will return to the old you. Just maybe not right away. Everything is still too fresh. It’s only been a month. We took things too fast, but it’s okay.” 

“What happened? Is Jeonghan alright?” Mingyu’s voice suddenly entered the scene. 

Seungcheol let go of Jeonghan’s hand. “Just got disoriented,” he said quietly. “Your hand doesn’t look good. Let’s go home, yeah? Get some sleep. I’ll call a car.” 

Jeonghan got to his feet and ghosted his fingertips over his injured hand. His index finger felt swollen and it hurt as if it had been sprained. Around him, he heard the other three shuffling and talking in low tones. Seungcheol seemed to be on the phone with a cab company. Jeonghan dropped his hands and sighed, shivering. The damp spot where a drink had spilled on him was uncomfortable and chilling now that it was exposed to the cold night. 

Something draped over his shoulders and Jeonghan reached up, feeling it. 

“My jacket,” Mingyu said. 

“I knew that,” Jeonghan said quietly, tightening the jacket around himself. “Mingyu, can you see me well?” 

“Yes,” Mingyu answered. “It’s well lit. The moon is bright and there are lots of lights from the buildings. I can see you.” 

Jeonghan’s chest tightened and he pressed his lips together against his tears. “I can’t see you,” he whispered. “I can’t see anything.”


	4. A Delicate Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW self harm, dark thoughts

The nights were getting cold. Minghao could see his breath in thick clouds in front of his face when he went for walks and he was going to have to start wearing a hat and gloves when he went out. Sometimes Jeonghan would join him on walks and he had already begun bundling up weeks ago. He was cute. Minghao adored Jeonghan and whenever they went for walks, he battled with himself about whether or not to tell Jeonghan what was going on with him. 

And it didn’t matter if Jeonghan was aware that something was going on with Minghao or not, he didn’t pressure him to talk. But sooner or later one of the members was going to catch on. Then Minghao wouldn’t be able to hide behind fashion, or busy schedules, or his other multitude of hobbies. 

Alone in China, alone in his hotel room, Minghao would lay in his bed and pick at his lips, peeling off layers of skin until his lips were bleeding. After his lips had had enough abuse, he would begin to bite at the skin around his nails until they bled as well. He would spend hours in the night just making himself bleed; biting, picking or scratching. He was itching to grab a blade and dig it into his skin, but he held himself back for the time being. 

The only time he slept was on the plane flying between China and Korea. 

He would land back in Korea, adorned in high-end fashion brands and wearing a low hat to hide his exhausted face. His airport fashion distracted from his sluggish walk and hanging head. 

The members greeted him back happily, asking how his time was, how the filming went. He laughed and told them that it went well, that he was loving every second of it. His eyes held life and put on a show, but behind them, his head was empty. His brain was only doing the bare minimum anymore, but no one could tell. 

Minghao felt like a wooden doll; bright, shiny eyes and a painted on smile, but stiff and empty inside. 

He would go to his room and put his hands on his hips, dully smiling at his stuff. His lips stung. His fingers throbbed. His arms burned. He would take off the clothes that his Other Self put on. He would wrap a hand around his neck, feeling his pulse and Adam’s Apple bob as he swallowed. Then, he would tighten his grip and suffocate himself until his head felt like it was going to explode. 

“I’m going out for a walk,” he would say, now dressed in toned down clothes. Jeonghan would join him; or sometimes, he wouldn’t. Tonight, he wouldn’t. Tonight, Minghao would walk aimlessly in the cold by himself. 

Tonight, he lost track of time and didn’t return to the dorm until four hours later. 

As soon as he walked through the door, Jun grabbed him and crushed him in a hug.

“Wh-?” Minghao asked, shocked, and looking at Jeonghan, Joshua, Seungcheol and Mingyu’s relieved faces over Jun’s shoulder.

“Where were you?” Seungcheol demanded. “You were gone for hours. We tried calling you and texting you.”

Minghao’s eyes slid to the clock hanging on the wall. It was almost three in the morning. He looked at Jun’s head from the corner of his eye and said, “I’m sorry, I must have lost track of time. I don’t take my phone with me. I’m sorry.”

Jun pulled away and stepped back, wiped his eyes. “We thought something happened to you. What could you have possibly been doing for four hours on a walk?”

“I just… I just went to a park and sat on a bench. I don’t know. I didn’t realize how much time had passed.” 

“Are you doing okay?” Joshua asked quietly, his eyebrows furrowed. “Lately, I mean. Have you been okay?” 

They all pinned their eyes on him and Minghao smiled awkwardly. “Of course. I’m just tired from so much travelling. Don’t worry. I’m okay, I promise.”

“It’s late,” Jeonghan spoke up. “We’re all tired. We’re glad you’re okay, but take your phone with you from now on. Let’s go to bed.”

They all went in their separate directions. Minghao remained in the entrance way, slowly removing his shoes and jacket. His empty head was suddenly swamped with buzzing thoughts and to deal with it, he quietly padded his way into his room and dug through his art supplies, pulling out the small scalpel and tossing it onto his bed. He didn’t want to use it, but he was tempted. 

In the end, Minghao only sliced one cut into his skin. On the side of his wrist; about an inch and a half long. Dots of blood bubbled up to the surface immediately and he watched it gather until it started to run down in a single line down his arm. He wouldn’t hide it. He wanted them to ask about it. He wanted to tell them not to worry about it, that he didn’t know how it happened. 

Minghao didn’t sleep again that night.

Wonwoo saw it first. They were in the bathroom, brushing their teeth and he must have seen it in the mirror. He didn’t say anything though. 


	5. A Few Pounds Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW anorexia, suicide attempt, self harm

“Did you eat?” Mingyu had asked. 

Jeonghan nodded and smiled silently, the members’ laughter dull in his ears. 

He was starving himself again, and once the fans concerns reached DK, only then were the members fully aware. Jeonghan could remember the conversation painfully. DK was so worried, asking if Jeonghan was eating at all. They were on a diet together, supposedly, but Jeonghan knew DK was cheating every now and then. And to DK, Jeonghan starving himself wasn’t a diet either. He had opened a door for Jeonghan to get out of that mindset again, that  _ skinny _ didn’t mean  _ healthy _ , but Jeonghan didn’t go through it. 

DK went to Seungcheol, informing him that Jeonghan was slipping into bad habits again. 

And then, within a couple of minutes, the whole dorm knew. Jeonghan got frustrated and went to bed early, but, as with most nights since the new year, he couldn’t sleep well. All he could think about was what he must look like to the fans. What he must look like to the  _ members _ . 

He had a breakdown the following morning before their radio appearance, just so exhausted and so overwhelmed. His stomach hurt from hunger pains and his entire body felt weak.  _ He was too fucking tired _ . 

“ _ Did _ you eat?” Mingyu asked again. 

Jeonghan nodded, anxiously holding himself back from hiding behind his face mask. His cheeks were  _ too _ thin? Did he look sick? Someone had said he looked like a corpse. Jeonghan didn’t want to show his face anymore. His chest felt tight. 

He caught Seungcheol’s eyes from across the table. He wasn’t smiling like the others. Jeonghan quickly looked away. 

As soon as the broadcast was over, Jeonghan covered his face again and excused himself to get some air. He slowly made his way to the drink machine, convincing himself he just needed some water to get rid of the shakes. His eyes looked right through the chips and chocolates, jamming a thumb to the button for water and swiping his card. 

“You threw it up, didn’t you.”

Jeonghan stared vacantly down at the water bottle as he cracked open the cap. “I’m okay, Shua.” 

“You’re not,” Joshua said in that irritating, soft voice of his. “You told Mingyu you’d eaten. Throwing it back up kind of cancels that out.” 

Jeonghan didn’t say anything. His mind wasn’t on the conversation. His mind was solely focused on the fact that to drink the water, he had to pull down the face mask, and he didn’t want to remove that piece of safety. Could he find a straw somewhere? 

“Let me buy you a bag of chips or something,” Joshua offered. “Just for now. You look like you’re about to collapse.” 

Jeonghan capped the bottle again and finally lifted his dull eyes to Joshua’s face. He didn’t want to speak. Speaking took too much energy. He was drained as it was already. Instead, he just silently shook his head and hoped that Joshua would let him off. 

A few days later, Jeonghan did collapse. They finished performing Getting Closer and in their final poses, his legs gave out on him. Jun and Seungcheol lunged towards him and the others whipped their heads around. They lights quickly dimmed and Jun helped Jeonghan onto Seungcheol’s back. The world was spinning. He wasn’t sure what was up and what was down. 

Jeonghan buried his face into Seungcheol’s neck and started crying. 

He threw up stomach acid and water as soon as Seungcheol put him down. Humiliation was burning at his core and he folded in half, burying his face and swallowing back sobs. Already, a staff was cleaning up the vomit between his feet. Another was fanning him. Seungcheol softly ran his fingers through Jeonghan’s thin and brittle hair. Nobody spoke. 

The official statement was released four days later, stating that Jeonghan would be out of activities to focus on his health - physical and mental. Seungcheol and Joshua backed out of their schedule for the day after the concert to stay at the dorm with Jeonghan, even though Jeonghan slept through the entire day. 

Everyone was somber the week following the official statement. No one knew how long Jeonghan was going to out for. However long it took for him to return to a better mental state and put a couple of pounds back on. 

Jeonghan didn’t make any appearances of his own - on social media or otherwise - but the other members made sure the fans were kept up to date just enough for them to not worry too much. 

_ Jeonghan has been eating much better lately. _

_ Jeonghan is catching up on his rest well so he can return quickly. _

_ Jeonghan wants everyone to know that they don’t need to worry so much anymore, that he’s doing much better. _

_ Staffs and other members are making sure he eats and takes care of himself _

_ Seungcheol has only permitted Jeonghan to workout once a week and even reduced his own workout schedule to that _

_ Jeonghan says hello and that he misses Carats _

Some people were worried about Jeonghan being alone all day while everyone else was gone. Seungkwan let fans know that Jeonghan joined them on schedules sometimes, just didn’t participate. He also reminded everyone that they didn’t always have group schedules, so there was usually a couple others at the dorm with Jeonghan. 

Mingyu liked to cook for Jeonghan - and the rest of the dorm tried to get in on the treatment. Jeonghan  _ was _ eating well, he didn’t not like food. He just didn’t like the weight that came with eating. He’d overcome the obsession about his weight previously, so he knew that he could, but he just… didn’t want to. 

Jeonghan was putting weight back on faster than they thought he would, and within a month and a half he was back in activities. Despite his physical health returning to a manageable threshold, Jeonghan was still lethargic. Getting out of bed in the morning was impossible by himself. Not even just getting out of bed,  _ waking up and being conscious _ was impossible. Other members sometimes had to physically pull Jeonghan out of bed. 

And whenever they weren’t recording something, Jeonghan would lay down wherever he could and fall asleep. 

Despite his excessive amounts of sleep, his skin was still grey and his eyes encircled with shadows. He was  _ exhausted _ . And everyone could tell - the members, the staffs, the fans, and their interview hosts. Jeonghan was treated like a fragile doll seconds away from shattering. And innh truth, he felt like he was seconds away from shattering. 

Only after two weeks back in activities, another statement was released saying Jeonghan was back on hiatus. A second statement was released not long after the first one, confirming the media rumours that Jeonghan had attempted suicide almost right after the decision he was to be put on hiatus again. A  _ third _ statement came the next day, saying that all of the members were going to be taken out of schedules and activities until further notice so they could rest and properly deal with everything that was happening. 

Seventeen was all over the kpop community, hashtags trending worldwide for the group as a whole and for Jeonghan individually. Some groups who were close with Seventeen, such as Monsta X, Astro and Nuest W, spoke up about the situation. Other groups wishing for Seventeen to be alright made SMS posts and statements from their company. 

Although the dorm was just as noisy and chaotic as usual, there was something different in the atmosphere. They were all trying to be okay, to keep moving forward, but at the back of their minds was the memory of Seungcheol clutching Jeonghan as he vomited a handful of half-digested pills into the toilet. 

None of them can get rid of that night from their minds. Jeonghan had been off since being put on hiatus a second time but none of them ever expected him to tip so far off the ledge as to try to commit suicide. 

Jeonghan had been alone in his room when a few of the others heard him sobbing. They quickly decided that Joshua should go talk to him alone. Seconds after Joshua disappeared he shouted for Seungcheol, scared. Everyone came running. 

Jeonghan was having a panic attack, an empty bottle clenched in one fist, his hands shaking horribly. Seungcheol and Soonyoung rushed Jeonghan to the bathroom and Soonyoung said, “He has to throw it up. He has to throw it up right now.” Jun had already called an ambulance and Jihoon called their manager. 

It was hard for them to make Jeonghan throw up, stuck in the middle of a panic attack. In the end, Seungcheol had to force his own fingers down Jeonghan’s throat. He held a hand over Jeonghan’s chest as he violently heaved and vomited the handful of pills into the toilet. Soonyoung, crouched on the other side of Jeonghan, tucked his hair behind his ears and quietly encouraged Jeonghan. 

Joshua and many of the younger members were crying. Eventually, Jeonghan had thrown up everything in his stomach, pills and all. He continued to hang his head over the toilet, repeating over and over quietly, “I don’t want to do this anymore, I can’t do this anymore” until the ambulance arrived. 

Since then, Jeonghan had been lower than any of them had ever seen him. He never left the dorm. After almost five days of not showering, Mingyu ran Jeonghan a bath and practically dragged him into it. He forced him to brush his teeth and wash his face. It took Mingyu nearly two hours to get Jeonghan to finally wash himself, wash his hair, brush his teeth and wash his face. Afterwards, Jeonghan got into a clean pair of pyjamas and climbed into Minghao’s bed. During his bath, Jun and Jihoon stripped Jeonghan’s bed of it’s sheets and tossed them into the wash. 

Seokmin would bring Jeonghan food throughout the day, on trays and drinks with straws. Sometimes he ate what Seokmin brought, sometimes he didn’t. For two weeks, Jeonghan barely left his bed. He lost whatever weight he had put back on during his first hiatus. 

The members worked around Jeonghan, adjusting themselves to accommodate him. They invited him when they went out for food; he never went. They asked if he wanted to watch a movie with them; he never did. Vernon was the only one who successfully got Jeonghan out of bed, asking if he wanted to go on a walk with him one night. It was a short walk, only a little longer than five minutes, but it was something. 

A month and a half passed and Jeonghan still hadn’t improved, but they had to return to the spotlight. So they did a VLive to drop their comeback day. Jeonghan was lively during the video, but as soon as they cut, his eyes dropped back to their listless gaze and his entire being seemed to deflate. The manager handed him a protein bar, but Jeonghan didn’t show any intent to eat it.

“Jeonghan, eat the protein bar,” the other manager said, cleaning up the table from the live. “You’re going to need energy for schedules.” 

Jeonghan looked down at his hands, picking at the wrapper of the bar. He pushed himself up from the table and ghosted out of the room. He wanted to go back to the dorm. He was already tired from the one live show. 

“Are you doing okay?” 

Jeonghan turned around and glanced up at Mingyu before looking down again, pressing his eyes closed. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Mingyu hesitated. “You don’t have to… Jeonghan, you always make sure that the rest of us are okay. Let us make sure you’re okay. So…  _ Are you _ ? Okay, I mean?”

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan said quietly, nervously hunching his shoulders. “Probably not. I don’t know anymore.” 

Wonwoo quietly appeared behind Mingyu, tilting his head at Jeonghan. “You should eat that,” he said bluntly. 

Jeonghan cupped his head, shaking it lightly. “I’m not hungry. I just need to lie down for a bit.”

Mingyu grabbed Jeonghan’s bicep, holding him steady. “ _ No _ , you need  _ food _ . You’re so tired and lethargic because your body is working twice as hard to keep itself running. Sit down and eat that protein bar, I’m going to find you a shake or something.” 

Jeonghan sat down on the floor, against the wall with his protein bar and his head hanging as he waited for Mingyu to return. He could hear the other boys still in the room, horsing around and laughing. Once their comeback date came to pass, it would be an extensive and exhausting promotion period. Jeonghan didn’t know if he would be well enough by then to be able to pull it off. 

“Hey, I was wondering where you’d slipped off to.”

Jeonghan looked up at Jun as he came to sit beside him. Jeonghan tiredly leaned his head on Jun’s shoulder, wanting to speak but not having the energy. Instead, he slowly and delicately peeled the protein bar. 

“I couldn’t find any shakes, but I got some orange juice,” Mingyu said, coming around the corner shaking a plastic bottle of orange juice. 

Jeonghan lifted his head from Jun’s shoulder and took the drink. 

“What time is our radio appearance?” Jeonghan asked. 

“We leave at four and the show starts at six,” Jun said. 

“Will there be a live cam?” 

“I think so.”

Jeonghan frowned and buried his face in his hands.


	6. The Panic Never Goes Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW panic attack

“Feel my heart,” Jeonghan said dryly, grabbing Joshua’s hand and pressing it flat to his chest. Joshua’s eyes flickered to Jeonghan’s ghostly face and he carefully thought of his words before he spoke. Seungkwan brushed passed them in the tight space underneath the stage. 

“This isn’t going to be any different than any other stage we’ve done before,” Joshua assured, dropping his hand to grasp Jeonghan’s, squeezing tightly. “The rest of us will be right there. It’s going to be fine. What has you so worried?”

Jeonghan shrugged and puffed out his cheeks. He tilted his head upwards and looked at the low ceiling. The loud music of the Hip Hop Unit shook everything. Joshua could see Jeonghan’s chest heave as he tried to even his breathing. 

He gently tugged Jeonghan beneath the lower beams after the rest of the vocal unit, putting him on his rising platform before going two over to between Jihoon and Seungkwan to his own. A staff starting counting them down as the HHU music died down and Jihoon looked at Jeonghan’s shaking hands cupped around his mouth and nose before looking over at Joshua, his eyes silently asking  _ Is this going to be okay? _

But before Joshua could give a response, their platforms began rising and the screams increased to a deafening volume. 

As it turned out, things weren’t fine. Jeonghan missed his opening beat for Pinwheel and his voice wavered through his first verse. His second verse, he completely forgot the words and both Seungkwan and Joshua immediately jumped in to cover for him. His final verse he finished off weakly, and Seungkwan provided a background crutch. As soon as the platforms began to lower, Jeonghan dropped his body and slid back under the stage. He ignored Vernon’s worried questions and quickly found a more open space, less crowded and close. The Performance Unit began their stage. 

“Jeonghannie-yah,” Joshua called after him, weaving between staff and the other members. Seungcheol followed after him, his eyebrows furrowed. 

They found Jeonghan sitting on a spare amp near the back, his body folded into itself. Two staffs were fanning him, one massaging the back of his neck. 

Seungcheol and Joshua crouched down in front of him. 

“It’s okay,” Joshua said, rubbing Jeonghan’s leg. “Don’t worry about the stage. It’s okay. We made it through, right? The world didn’t end because you forgot the lyrics. It happens all the time to people. It’s okay, really, Hannie-yah, it is.” 

Jeonghan didn’t move or make any action that signaled a response. His hands remained firmly planted over his ears, his forehead on his knees. 

“You did as well as you could have,” Seungcheol said gently. “You managed to get up on stage and sang over seventy-five percent of your lines yourself, so that’s already doing way better than the absolute worst that could have happened.”

“You have to get in positions in thirty seconds, guys,” a producer said, poking his head around the corner. 

“Do you think you can get through the last few songs?” Joshua asked. 

Jeonghan shook his head and quietly gasped, “I can’t breathe.” 

“O-Okay, okay,” Joshua stuttered, realizing how much more serious the situation was. He ran a hand down Jeonghan’s shoulder, hushing him. 

“Ten seconds!” 

Jeonghan coughed and croaked, “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t,” shaking his head. 

“We can take care of this,” one of the staffs said, nodding towards the platforms. “You two go finish off the concert.” 

Over the course of the last few songs, one of the older female staffs brought Jeonghan down from a panic attack and brought him back to the dressing rooms, directing him to get back into his regular clothes and wash his face off of sweat and makeup. 

When the rest of the members returned to the dressing rooms, Jeonghan was sitting in a chair in front of a mirror, sipping a juice packet and staring blankly at himself. A  _ Going Seventeen  _ camera was filming some of the members, but they kept Jeonghan out of the shot. Jeonghan finished his juice packet and threw it into the garbage, getting to his feet. 


End file.
